•••

Five minutes of Gunn staring holes in his forehead was more than Wil could take. Muttering a vague farewell, the vampire took to the stairs at a run. He couldn't handle the accusations, the guilt and the outright hatred that furious glare evoked.

Angel watched Wil run away, knowing that it was his human friend's anger that sent him upstairs. "Happy?" The dark vampire asked Gunn, who looked away. Angel walked away from the others and ascended the stairs, not waiting for a reply.

By the time Angel got to Wil's apartment, the blonde was slumped on the floor, staring at the carpet. He'd walked in expecting rage or tears, but instead he found a motionless, brittle creature lying on the floor. "Wil?"

"Go away," Wil murmured, not looking up. Angel frowned and walked over to the vampire. Wil didn't acknowledge him in any way—at least, not until Angel tried to touch him. Then the blonde shied away from his hand, flinching as though it hurt to be touched.

"Wil," Angel began again. "This is not your fault."

"No?" Wil spat, curling his hands into fists. Angel could smell the blood welling out of the tiny cuts his fingernails made in the palms of his hands. "And how did you come to that conclusion?"

"I'm the one who didn't want to go to the art gallery," Angel replied softly.

"I could have gone, though. And it was me that asked Gunn and Fred to go to Sunnydale. You know they wanted to stay here, with Cordelia and Wesley," Wil said.

Angel shook his head sadly and reached down to pick up the vampire. As soon as he had Wil up, though, the blonde became a flurry of movement. One second he was catatonic, the next he was striking out with supernatural strength, fangs bared in a feral grimace. Angel struggled to hold him, succeeding only in getting himself scratched and bitten. "Let me go," Wil hissed, trying to break Angel's hold on him. "Damn it—"

Angel tripped the blonde, sending both of them to the floor. Once they'd landed, he rolled over until Wil was pressed face down into the carpet, with his hands pinned underneath his body. Angel kept his legs pressed against Wil's so that the blonde couldn't move, no matter how hard he tried. "Listen to me, Wil. There was nothing you could have done. They're adults, and they've got the ability to take care of themselves. You can't hold yourself responsible for everything that happens to them. It will just kill you to do so," Angel said harshly. "They stay with us and are involved in our battles by choice, Wil. Both Cordelia and Xander could ask The Powers to take their visions—or simply pass them on to someone else, and be out of this situation at any time. The others can just walk away. They made their own decisions."

"And what about my decisions?" Wil whispered. "I make my decisions and everyone else has to live with them."

"And what other way is there?" Angel spat. "Would you rather not make them? Pass responsibility to someone else? Simply follow orders? They look up to you because you're a wise person, Wil. So far, you haven't let them down. But even the wisest, most experienced person cannot know everything."

"Don't you feel anything about this?" Wil asked incredulously.

"Don’t I feel…" Angel began. His eyes flashed in anger. "What kind of monster do you think I am, Wil? Of course I feel! Four of my closest friends are lying gravely injured in this hotel. I can barely think I feel so much. But killing myself isn't going to help them."

Wil remained silent for a long time. "Don't want to die. I just want to suffer. Like they suffered."

Angel stared down at his childe. From his first days as a vampire, Wil had always equated pain, both physical and emotional, with guilt. When he did the wrong thing, Angelus and Darla hurt him somehow. It didn't take very long for the fledgling vampire's twisted psyche to equate pain with wrongdoing—if he broke the rules he hurt, so if he hurt then he must have done something wrong. Now, more than a century later, that twisted logic was resurfacing. Wil was in pain because of the attack on their friends, so it must have been his fault. The amount of pain Wil felt wasn't equal, in his mind, to the enormity of his perceived failure. Therefore, he needed to hurt more. Angel was truly afraid that if he let Wil go now, he wouldn't survive anything he did to himself.

Once Angel was sure that Wil wouldn't bolt if he stood up, Angel removed himself from on top of the blonde and pulled Wil up with him as he stood. Wil remained frozen in place, staring at the floor, while Angel looked him over. Perhaps it was time for a little Sire/childe bonding. If Wil was regressing to earlier times, perhaps he would respond to the authority his younger self was accustomed to. "Childe."

Wil's head snapped up at the single word. He looked right at Angel, waiting for a command. "Come here," Angel said. Wil quickly complied, taking the three steps needed to close the distance between them. Angel waited for a moment before continuing. "You attacked me."

"I-I…" Wil began, staring hopelessly at Angel.

"That is unacceptable. Why did you do that?" Angel asked calmly.

Wil shifted his weight from foot to foot. "I was angry."

"With me? Why? Have I wronged you?"

"No! I was angry at myself," Wil replied quickly.

Angel sighed. "And why is that?"

"I let them get hurt," Wil answered softly.

"Ah. I see," Angel said. "So you knew what was going to happen to them and you just let them get hurt?"

Wil shook his head. "No, but I let them go out by themselves. I could have accompanied them."

"Are you immune to the effects of an Eraen demon?" Angel asked.

"No, I am not, but—" Wil said, but was cut off.

"So you think that it would have been easier for Lorne and I to get five people out of that warehouse, as opposed to four?" Angel demanded. "Or perhaps you consider yourself your friends' surrogate parent, who must watch them cross the street? Do you normally accompany them everywhere they go? To the library, the mall and the bank?"

Wil flinched. "No, I don't do that."

"Do you consider yourself some sort of god, who has the power to determine life and death, and now you feel bad for choosing one over the other for your friends?" Angel pushed harshly.

"No," Wil whispered. Angel sighed again, wrapping his arms around Wil to draw him close. The blonde stiffened momentarily before relaxing. Angel drew him closer, until most of the blonde's weight was leaning on him.

"Then why hold yourself responsible for this outcome?" Angel asked softly. "You had nothing to do with it." Wil tensed, as though preparing to struggle, but stopped. He was still submitting to his Sire's authority, which did not include the latitude to fight in times like this. After a couple more minutes, Angel guided Wil back toward the bed. Once they had reached it, he began to remove the blonde's clothes, taking the time to caress each bit of skin he uncovered. When Wil reached up to return the favor, Angel stopped him.

Once Wil was naked, Angel pulled back the covers on the bed and laid Wil between them. The younger vampire obeyed passively, lying on the bed like a corpse. Angel stripped himself down and climbed in after Wil. He drew the blonde into his arms, resting Wil's head on his chest and intertwining their legs and arms. Wil remained tense for a minute or two before giving up and relaxing his muscles to lie comfortably against his Sire.

•••

Wil was awoken by the pleasant sensation of someone softly caressing his back. He knew instinctively that it was Angel running his hands up and down his spine as though counting his vertebrae. When Wil began to speak, Angel stopped him with a glance. Wil closed his mouth and was rewarded with a smile. Angel increased the pressure of his caress slightly, making Wil's eyes close with pleasure.

Once he was sure Wil wasn't going to try to get away, Angel rolled the blonde under him, shifting his hands from Wil's back to his chest. Wil arched slightly as Angel pinched his nipples and moaned when the older vampire ran agile fingers over his ribs. Angel began to trace Wil's face with his lips, dragging soft flesh over sensitive cheekbones and eyelids. Wil tried to capture that elusive mouth, but Angel wouldn't let him.

"What do you feel, Childe?" Angel whispered into Wil's ear. Wil gasped as the breath from Angel's question brushed his skin.

"What?" He replied softly, not understanding.

"What do you feel?" Angel repeated.

Wil closed his eyes, wondering why his Sire was doing this. "I feel your hands on me, the weight of you pressing me down. I feel your mouth touching my jaw. I feel your cock against mine."

"What do you feel?" Angel repeated a third time.

Wil almost snarled in frustration. "My skin tightens wherever you touch it and my muscles tremble waiting for you to continue," He said in a near-snarl.

Angel chuckled silently. This was going to take a little while. He suspended the questioning in favor of continued touching. Now, though, he moved with more purpose, slicking up his fingers and circling them around Wil's tight hole. The blonde pushed against him, trying to impale himself. Angel pushed one finger deep inside, loving how Wil arched and flinched and relaxed himself to take more in. The dark vampire was soon able to ease a second and then a third finger inside his lover, stretching him wide open.

Wil thrust himself against Angel's hand, trying to rub those fingers against his prostate. Angel seemed to be avoiding that lovely spot, something that frustrated the blonde to no end. "What do you feel?" Angel asked. Wil's eyes shot open as he stared disbelievingly at Angel.

"What do I feel?" Wil spat, hating the look of amusement in Angel's eyes. "I feel three of your bleedin' fingers in my arse, that's what I feel!"

"Then I must be doing something wrong," Angel replied as he withdrew his fingers. Wil made to protest the loss, but before he got a word out, Angel had replaced those fingers with his cock, pressing deep inside Wil and stretching him wide. Wil almost choked as Angel kept pushing further in, slowly seating himself to the hilt. Once he was all the way inside, Angel pulled out slowly, and then thrust again, holding Wil firmly to keep him from bucking.

"What do you feel?" Angel asked as Wil thrashed under him, clenching his muscles around Angel's cock.

"You, inside me," Wil replied brokenly. Where he had once been avoiding Wil's sweet spot, now Angel was aiming for it, rubbing the swollen head of his cock over that bump regularly.

"What do you feel?" Angel repeated, running his tongue down Wil's neck, pressing into the depression at the base of his throat.

"Lightening running through me whenever you do *that*," Wil answered, shaking.

"And why do I do *that*?" Angel asked as he thrust again, nipping on Wil's ear.

"To torture me!" Wil growled, trying to move out of Angel's grasp.

Angel pressed his lips to the skin just in front of Wil's ear before replying. "Do you really think that? That I make love to you to torture you?"

Wil shuddered violently. Why was Angel doing this to him? "No. You don't torture me."

"Then what do I do? Does this displease you?" Angel pushed, rolling his hips cruelly.

"No!" Wil barked, arching to meet Angel now that the dark vampire had given him a little freedom. "You drive me out of my mind."

"That doesn't sound good," Angel replied, frowning against Wil's cheek.

"With pleasure," Wil bit out. He was having a hard time finding words. The middle of sex wasn’t when he usually held meaningful conversations.

"And why would I want to do that?" Angel asked, knowing that they were getting nearer to his goal.

"Because you want to," Wil guessed, not completely sure of what he'd just said. If only Angel would move a little faster…

"Why would I want to bring you pleasure?" Angel demanded harshly.

"I don't know!" Wil pleaded, tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

Angel looked down at the distraught vampire. "Look at me, Wil." Once Wil opened his eyes, Angel continued. "Why would I want to bring you pleasure?"

"I don't…" Wil started, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"How many reasons could there possibly be for me to want to make love to you, to bring you pleasure, to hold you, every day of my life?" Angel asked Wil softly, whispering to him like a lover should.

Wil's eyes shut, unable to bear looking at Angel anymore. "You…"

"I what?" Angel pressed softly, continuing to move within Wil's body.

"L-love…" Wil stuttered, unable to finish.

"What do you feel?" Angel asked, thrusting faster now and letting Wil rise to meet him.

Wil would have answered, but Angel stroked against his prostate again and he began to climax, tear-filled blue/gold eyes staring blindly up at Angel. The sight was more than Angel could take and he came as well, crying out softly as he poured himself into his lover.

"What did you feel, Wil? Pleasure?" Angel asked, hope evident in his voice. Wil nodded slowly, still recovering. "I love you, Wil, and strive to bring you only pleasure. You are part of me. When you hurt, I hurt."

"I know," Wil said sadly, pressing his face against Angel. "But…"

"But nothing, Childe," Angel said firmly. "You did nothing wrong, so you cannot hurt yourself. I will not allow this. There will be no suffering here, where we are together." Wil nodded weakly, unable to refuse his Sire this right. Angel cleaned them up with a hand towel and pulled the covers back up from where they had slipped down. Wil curled up into Angel's embrace as the dark vampire soothed him to sleep. It hadn't fixed everything, but at least for now Wil was calm and in no danger of harming himself.