Deciding to enjoy the blurry buzz instead of praying it would last a little longer this time, Wesley picked up the crystal sitting on the nightstand next to him. It was such a seductively simple little thing; no one but a trained expert would ever pick it to be one of the most powerful pieces of magickal artifact in existence. He rolled the crystal between his palms, enjoying the smooth, cool surface. What he held was one of the most sought after talismans ever made. Considering its worth, he found what had happened in Sunnydale oddly appropriate.

Wizards, both light and dark, had been searching for the talismans for ages, with only one being found ever…until now. Who would have looked for such a priceless thing on a discount table in a run-of-the-mill magic shop? Certainly not him. And to think that the first person in a hundred years to go to the place, and only the second one since its isolation, was the ‘Zeppo’ tag-along of the Slayer...it boggled the mind.

Well, it would have boggled his mind had he had the capacity to be boggled. He’d had just enough to drink that nothing confused him—he couldn’t concentrate long enough to be confounded. It was very pleasant, all things considered.

When he was like this, the fact that Angel had tried to kill him and all his so-called friends had turned their backs on him just faded away. The only thing he regretted right now about that whole situation was that he couldn’t share the delight he felt in possessing, if even for a moment, this rare object. Of course, what would Angel care about such things? He would probably want to destroy it, since he couldn’t use it himself, it wouldn’t get him back with Buffy, and he’d be quite sure that someone bad would want to use it for some nefarious purpose. For a warrior of light, Angel could be rather selfish and cynical sometimes.

Wesley resisted the sudden urge to hurl his glass at the wall. He needed to get his mind off Angel and the others before he did something rash. He’d been trying to do that for weeks now, but every time he got close to that elusive goal, something happened. Either he ran out of liquor, one of the gang showed up for help, or Lilah came sniffing around, drawn to his festering emotional wounds. That little bitch had no idea how close she’d come to dying during those little chats. He still vividly remembered the last one they’d had before he’d gotten the call to come down here.

“You know, you look like hell.”

Wesley jumped up and spun around at the sound of Lilah’s voice. /Speak of the devil./ “Go away,” he said, sighing. His hand clenched reflexively around the glass he was holding.

Lilah grinned wryly and shook her head. “But you look like you need company. Must be bad, if you’re willing to come back here to escape it. I mean, isn’t this the location of your second biggest failure?”

Wesley’s eyes narrowed. “Get out, Lilah.”

She just smirked. “Why?”

The watcher’s eyes narrowed. “You seem to enjoy being alive.”

Lilah blanched. “I see you’re still a bit unhappy. Don’t forget our offer, Wesley. It won’t stay open forever, and who else do you have to turn to? You’ve got no place.” The watcher stared at her back as she sauntered out.

As soon as she had driven off, the glass went sailing toward the door as Wesley lost his temper. Damned woman! Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? All he wanted was some peace, some comfort and something to take away this frozen emptiness. Wolfram & Hart couldn’t possibly to that for him.

Still furious after all this time, he struck out, picking up a desk chair and hurling it out the window. A table lamp soon followed it, adding sparks of magenta to the wood splinters falling everywhere. Wesley tried to scream, but found that he was grinding his teeth into shards, his muscles were so tight. His entire body shook with tension and pain.

Horrified at himself, at the rage he couldn’t hide, Wesley held his head in his hands, tears falling freely. What was he becoming, just what Lilah wanted? He looked back up at the damage he’d just done. The small object still in his hand caught his eye.

As Lilah had told him before, he had no place left in this world. Nothing at all. Why stay then?

Looking around the dismal room one last time, Wesley gritted his teeth and closed his hand over the top of the crystals, forcing the points into his palm.