"It is fine," Wesley replied flatly. In truth, he didn't particularly like the music; it was too emotional for his tastes. Discordant sounds annoyed his ears and he had difficulty following the melody.

"Ah," Rraiec murmured. He was sure that Wesley didn't care for the performance, but if the young dalhari wanted to sit through something he didn't like, so be it. He himself very much enjoyed the music and refused to let the other man's attitude affect him.

A few minutes later Rraiec noted that Wesley had left the hall. He wasn't surprised; his charge had become quite devoted to his studies lately, spending hours upon hours practicing his meditations and reading texts. Rraiec supposed he should be grateful that Wesley was settling into a somewhat healthy routine, although he wished that the man showed more interest in things other than his education. No one had been able to get Wesley to discuss whatever it was that had caused his madness. Rinhe felt that so long as Wesley continued to show improvement in his overall functioning, such a matter could be left alone—at least until he seemed to be more comfortable discussing it. Rraiec would have preferred to delve into the subject now, when it was fresh and new, but he did as Rinhe suggested and left it alone.

Wesley slipped out of the hall and walked to the library. Since everyone was at the performance, the place would be empty—just as he preferred it to be. There were several volumes on esoteric meditative techniques that Wesley wanted to read, and now was the perfect time to procure them—without someone watching over his shoulder. He quickly found the texts and returned to his room, intent on spending the evening in study.

•••

"Damn it!"

Rraiec cringed and hesitated before knocking on Wesley's door. The shout and subsequent sound of something striking a wall worried the young dalhari. "Wesley?" He murmured, just loud enough to be heard through the door.

A moment later, Wesley opened the door to let Rraiec inside. "Ah, Rraiec. Here for another lesson?"

"Yes. Having trouble with that particular text?" He inquired, pointing at the book lying on the floor.

Wesley grimaced. "Yes, as a matter of fact I am."

Rraiec picked up the book. "Ah. Ascetic practices. An interesting choice."

"A useless choice," Wesley muttered. "What's the point in studying asceticism if they leave out the important things?"

"Important things?" Rraiec echoed, confused. The text he was holding was considered one of the most exhaustive surveys of the path.

"Oh, it covers the sloughing off of worldly desires, consumption and sorrows related to immortality, but it completely ignores the discarding of the mind!"

"Ah. I was unaware of that particular aspect of asceticism," Rraiec replied slowly. His education in the path taught that ascetics discarded many things, but the mind was not one of them. True, ascetics tended to minimize the emotions associated with the mind, and marginalized the importance of memories, but they never threw away such things.

Wesley threw himself down into a pile of cushions. "Apparently neither were the writers," He snapped. "It simply follows logically. Rid the body of impurities; rid the mind of the same."

Rraiec joined Wesley on the floor. "But they do rid the mind of impurities," He said. "That is what the path does."

"How, then? Do they think that simply eschewing the effect of memories makes them go away?"

"No," Rraiec murmured. "However, in doing that they find a superior balance. Without the trappings of sorrow and joy, the true meaning of memories is clear to the ascetic. If those memories were simply removed from the mind, that knowledge would be lost. In fact," He continued, "a true ascetic would be horrified at the thought of destroying memories. Have you read Tyv-credaldn?"

"No," Wesley replied.

"Perhaps you should. She wrote an excellent treatise on the importance of memory, and she was an ascetic."

"I'll remember to do that," Wesley replied. He'd have to read it, now that Rraiec had actually told him about the work. The dalhari would hound him until he did so. The problem Wesley had was that he wasn't looking for how to retain his memories, but how to get rid of them. He'd come so very close to just annihilating all of his past. At the moment, all of that pain was packed tightly away in a tiny space, leaving Wesley in peace. But he knew that he'd have to finish someday—get rid of that evil somehow. "I should get back outside, however. Thank you for dropping by."

Rraiec rose with Wesley. "I shall see you this evening, then?"

"Of course," Wesley murmured. "In the library." He was spending the day outside, moving yet another wall. He had been overjoyed when the weather warmed to the point that wall-moving commenced. Now his days were complete—labor during the day, studies at night. And, as a dalhari the manual labor part of his day was no longer backbreaking, but merely enjoyably exhausting.

•••

"Rraiec," Rinhe began. "What brings you here?"

The young dalhari frowned thoughtfully. "I am in need of advice, I believe."

"Sit," She ordered, gesturing to a set of cushions. "And tell me what it is that troubles you."

"I am unfamiliar with human religions," Rraiec said. "And certainly know nothing of the religions of other dimensions."

"You are having difficulties with Wesley?" Rinhe guessed.

"Yes," Rraiec answered. "He made a comment today that troubles me greatly."

"Regarding what?"

"He has taken an interest in asceticism," Rraiec said. "However, he seems to be greatly frustrated by it."

Rinhe thought for a moment. She could see how the path would appeal to the changed-dalhari, who seemed to live a very spare life. "And why is he frustrated?"

"From his comments I gather that he wished to find a way through asceticism to destroy memories," Rraiec said baldly. He knew of no better way to approach the topic.

"What?" Rinhe screeched. "Why would he wish to do such a thing?"

"I have no idea," Rraiec admitted. "I pointed him toward Tyv-credaldn, though. Perhaps that will help."

"Perhaps," Rinhe echoed. "This probably directly concerns his madness."

"I had considered that, yes," Rraiec agreed. "But I do not understand why he would want to do that."

Rinhe nodded. She understood the younger dalhari's confusion. She herself only comprehended it because of her extensive studies of other species' practices. Although it was unthinkable for dalhari to destroy parts of their minds, other species were not so conservative. "There is a practice among the t'kth-vaali," Rinhe murmured. "That is quite what you are describing."

"The destruction of memories?" Rraiec asked.

"Yes."

"But why would they do that?" He pressed. No, he didn't like the species any more than the average dalhari, but he didn't think they were that self-destructive.

"The act can be quite useful, for certain purposes," Rinhe explained. "Their techniques remove the entire memory of certain things such as family and fears. Most of the time those who perform the procedure are in training to become assassins or servants."

Rraiec considered this new information. "Because without those memories they will not be restrained by emotion."

"Or by the mere presence of knowledge," Rinhe added. "Even without emotional ties, a person may hesitate to kill their relatives. There are practical reasons to refrain from doing that, beyond emotional bonds."

"And if a person eradicated from their own minds the concept of freedom, they would become excellent servants," Rraiec continued.

"Yes. What better servant than one who has no way of understanding another life?"

"Wesley might be trying to get rid of his memories," Rraiec stated. "Perhaps ones that are painful?"

"He does carry much regret," Rinhe said softly. "And it would seem that there is much he would rather not remember."

"But without those memories, his personality would crumble," Rraiec argued.

"How so?" Rinhe asked. She knew why, but wanted to see how Rraiec had come to that conclusion.

"The personality, and the person, is built up of everything that has ever happened to them, everything they have done and thought and felt. If portions of that history are removed, the whole would fall apart, unable to support itself," Rraiec answered. "Much like removing a stone from an archway."

"Yes," Rinhe said. "Perhaps it would be wise to introduce Wesley to some new philosophies."

"Which ones?" Rraiec inquired.

"MaugnTreila."

"T'kth-vaali literature? But he would only attempt to use—"

"Would he, after having seen what the consequences are? I do not mean simply foisting the book upon him. Teach him, Rraiec. That is your duty. Help him see what could happen," Rinhe ordered. "And what better way than by the examples we have recorded?"

"As you wish," Rraiec murmured.

•••

When Wesley returned to his quarters after a long day of moving stones around, he found a book propped next to the door. He retrieved it on the way inside and set it on a table as he passed. Rraiec had probably dug up something-- Tyv-credaldn, probably. He would look later, after a bath and some food.

Later that night Wesley decided to investigate the book he'd found. The first page told him that it wasn’t what he'd expected; instead of a treatise on dalhari asceticism, he found it to be a dalhari translation of an old t'kth-vaali religious book. Intrigued, he began to read.

Soon he was enthralled. Until this point the only things Wesley had heard or read about the t'kth-vaali had been insulting remarks about their unsavory nature. This text, though, portrayed them as feeling creatures—perhaps not ones he'd particularly want to meet, but sentient beings nevertheless. Of particular interest to him was the inherently destructive nature of their philosophies; to the t'kth-vaali the world was built to be destroyed, and so followed everything else. They even had an entire discipline devoted to the destruction of the mind!

It was in that section that Wesley found what he'd been looking for—basic instructions on how to remove memories. He was rather excited by what he found; according to the text, while difficult the process was not that complicated. He was so caught up in his reading that he barely noticed the sun rising. With great regret, he laid the book aside and prepared to return to his outdoor work.

All during the day Wesley pondered the possibilities. He was dissatisfied with his current situation; the memories he repressed were still influencing him. He didn't feel any pain—none at all—but he did experience fear. The fear rose from the fact that someday his memories might escape and settle into his mind once more. That was not something he wanted to have happen.

For some reason, it didn't surprise Wesley at all to find Rraiec waiting for him the following night. "Ah, Rraiec. And how was your day?"

"Productive. Did you find the book I left you?"

Wesley smiled. "Indeed I did," He replied happily. "It answered a great many questions that I had."

"I see," Rraiec muttered. He followed the younger man inside. "And what were those questions, specifically?"

"Oh, just memory questions," Wesley said, avoiding the subject.

"Such as how to destroy them?"

"What—" Wesley began. He stopped when he saw the hard expression on Rraiec's face. Although the dalhari was young compared to others in the hold, he was still more than eighty years older than Wesley himself. Sometimes the changed-dalhari forgot that. Tonight Rraiec looked every bit the angry teacher.

Rraiec looked down at the book in disgust. "I suppose you would like such a thing," He spat. "Something that teaches you how to turn yourself into a monster."

"Monster?" Wesley said indignantly. "I doubt that—"

"Did you not read that book?" Rraiec growled. "You seem far too pleased to have not read it. The techniques are just what you want. How to destroy your mind."

Wesley glared at Rraiec. How dare the man criticize how he wanted to handle his own mind? "It is none of your business," He hissed. "As you yourself have said, matters of the mind are intensely personal."

Rraiec recoiled from the venom in Wesley's voice. "As you wish, Wesley. But think of one thing, if nothing else: consider carefully the true purpose of those exercises. Is that what you want?" He spun on his heels and marched out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Bastard," Wesley muttered at the door. "Pretentious…." He stomped off to bathe, hoping it would cool his ire. He wanted to spend the evening reading, but he couldn't do that if he was wound tight.

Later that evening Wesley settled in front of the fire with the t'kth-vaali book. He continued where he'd left off, deep in the discussion of memory removal. Perhaps he could figure out just what Rraiec was referring to when he made that last comment.