To Accept Those Things You Cannot Change

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When they reached the outskirts of Adaes Der, Xander decided that Pairdra had been right. Dalhari holds *were* weird. Between the little villages they'd seen clinging to existence on sheer rock faces, slightly larger holds dug into mountainsides, and nomadic peoples wandering through treacherous mountain passes, Xander had come to the conclusion that dalhari either had no common sense or had a streak of masochism a mile wide running right down their winged backs.

Adaes Der only reinforced those beliefs. It was the first large-scale example of dalhari architecture he'd seen, since the path they'd taken through the mountains had been 'direct,' at least according to Vaishi. When Xander had expressed his disbelief in that statement, the dalhari had explained that there were dozens of holds in the mountains that they could have traveled through, but the route they were taking had far fewer detours. Because of that so-called short route, Xander was just now seeing up close how dalhari lived.

Oh, what he saw was impressive—no doubt about it. He had a strong suspicion that the dalhari could gain permanent employment in his world as architects, since they had obviously mastered the art of stonework. Their buildings were all works of art—masterpieces not only of height and breadth but of carving and general beauty.

But they were also absurdly complicated. Now he knew which species gave Baesraqc its winding streets; curving, endless buildings and whimsical details. He figured the dalhari must pride themselves on detail or grandiosity or something. Why else would they put such tall spires on all their buildings, or all those ledges and perches? He shuddered, imagining Hainien or Mai'zi taking to one of those edifices and trying to climb up to the top. The fact that dalhari flew right up to them and perched on those little ledges didn't help at all. He could just hear them. "But they're up there, Adyeta. Why can't I be up there, too?"

"Is something bothering you?" Vaishi asked Xander, concerned about the scowl on the siv's face.

"Uh, no!" Xander said, realizing that thinking about what his kids might do had put a frown on his face. "It's really…something, Vaishi. Very…different."

Vaishi grinned. In his experience, those who had never seen a dalhari hold either fell in love on sight or never quite got comfortable with them. Laio had loved La'iv so much that he was loath to ever leave it. In fact, the only reason that he agreed to move to Na'alha was that Del assured him he'd like it just as much. Luckily for that family's happiness, he'd been equally taken with the place. Vaishi suspected that Xander's reaction fell into the second category, though. He hoped the siv wasn't too uncomfortable with the labyrinthine structure of Adaes Der—especially since they would be in Na'alha in little more than a week, and it was no simpler or plainer than this hold.

"Can we climb on the buildings?" Mai'zi asked Fain from her perch on Saelen's ifnan. Xander suppressed a shudder, his nightmares coming true right before his eyes.

"I'm afraid not, Mai'zi," Fain replied. "Dalhari children aren't allowed to go high on the buildings, and I doubt that the elders of this hold would allow siv children to do so either." Xander heaved a sigh of relief when Fain deflected the request so smoothly. Had he said the exact same thing, the kids would have protested. As it was, Mai'zi just nodded and found something else to focus her attention on.

Vaishi led the group through the winding, steep streets of the hold until they reached the Disiaron house. Vaishi and Fain's house was the dominant one in this area, so its house was quite impressive. Xander remembered how the dalhari had cared for their ifnan in Baesraqc, so he didn't hesitate to hand over the reins and dismount. "What are you going to do here?" He asked Vaishi.

"We need to share what we learned in Shaen with the elders here," Vaishi responded.

"But I thought you were diplomats from La'iv," Xander replied. If they were, why were they sharing information with another region? Wasn't that like spying?

"We are, but we're also Disiaron. Our house dominates the Desa Ysdra Mais, and are one of the houses that Shaen, and Caildin, are most likely to negotiate with," Vaishi answered.

Xander frowned. He didn't like this at all. It seemed wrong to him, to share information with this house. True, these dalhari were close to Vaishi and Fain, but in the end, they were not La'iv dalhari. He wouldn't share information like that with Avrel mak from Tragith, or any other region for that matter. They might have been the same tree, but they were loyal to different regions. "But…"

Pairdra put a hand on Xander's shoulder, stopping him. "It's fine, Xander," He said firmly, silently adding that they would talk about it later. Xander scowled but relented, returning to his family.

A couple of minutes later, a dalhari appeared to show them to some temporary quarters, so that they could bathe and rest. Xander followed reluctantly, not happy that they weren't going to be present for this sharing of information. Even if it was all going to occur in dalhari, he wanted to be there.

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The quarters they were given were spacious, but Xander wasn't sure he liked the soft purple glow that permeated the room from the tinted windows. He hadn't seen a clear window anywhere. Didn't dalhari believe in plain sunlight? The kids began to explore everything, ducking under tables and plowing through the piles of cushions and pillows on the floor. Pairdra saw that they were getting on Xander's nerves, so he herded them into the bathroom, where they were soon immersed in a hot bath.

"What's bothering y'?" Saelen asked him, knowing that he was giving Xander an opportunity to start ranting.

Xander frowned. "I don't like this 'information' thing. It's not right, giving information to another region!"

Saelen sighed and sat down in the cushions on the floor. They felt funny, not at all like a bench—more like a bed. After a moment, he relaxed into them. "It's their way, Xander. They share information with the region and with the house."

"But why? Does La'iv know about this? Will the Disiaron tell Scal Ysdra about it?" Xander asked loudly.

"Why? Because that's how dalhari houses work. La'iv should know about it—after all, it is a dalhari region. And no, I doubt that the Disiaron will say anything to the elders of Scal Ysdra, other than those who are also Disiaron. I'd explain further, but that's pretty much the extent of my knowledge of the political workings of dalhari houses," Saelen said.

Xander flopped down next to Saelen, still upset about the situation. "How can a house be so important that someone would betray their region for it?"

Saelen groaned softly. This wasn't going to go away, was it? "Dalhari houses aren't the same as siv trees, Xander. We're Avrel mak; we fight together and consider ourselves brothers and sisters. However, remember that we can change trees. Look at the kids. They're Avrel mak now; actually I don't think any of us know what tree they were before. And if y'wanted to, y'ould go to another tree and be with them. Dalhari don't change houses, or clans. Once an affiliation is made, it is permanent—forever. There is no changing, no moving. Even those cast out as traitors or worse retain their affiliations."

"Clans?" Xander groaned. There was another level of dalhari stuff to think about? Why couldn't they do something simple? This was worse than what he remembered of cliques in high school. "So why don't the houses just stay in one region, instead of spreading out and causing this 'spying' thing?"

"Why are there Avrel mak in more than one region?" Saelen asked. "Regional boundaries are political; house and tree areas are cultural. The Avrel mak have lived where they do for ages, since before Ieccra or Shaen were regions. I'm sure that the Disiaron have lived in these mountains since well before La'iv or Scal Ysdra were in existence."

"Is he still complaining about that?" Pairdra asked from the doorway. "Why? They were on a diplomatic mission to help foster trade between dalhari and Caildin. Why would y'be upset if they help the hold improve relations between dalhari in La'iv and here as well?"

Xander didn't respond immediately. After all, Pairdra had a point. It wasn't like the dalhari were scouting out ways to invade Caildin. "It's the principle of the thing," He said after a few minutes. "Y'shouldn't give information away like that, not when y're an official diplomat."

Pairdra nodded. "I see. Does anyone want food?" He asked, gesturing to the bowl of fresh fruit on a side table. At least the dalhari were gracious hosts; they hadn't had fresh food for a long time. Xander nodded and accepted a small, irregularly shaped thing from Pairdra.

"What is this?" Xander asked, looking at the thing.

"Raw yimkia," Pairdra replied. Xander bit into it and grimaced. The thing left something to be desired in terms of taste. Maybe that was why so much of the other stuff dalhari ate was so spicy. Ugh.

By the time the kids were clean and dried and the adults had followed suit, it was late enough to justify going to bed. They lit a fire in one of the bedrooms and piled the entire family on one bed, since it was easier and safer than lighting another fire in a separate bedroom for the kids. Besides, they were well used to crowded quarters after all that time on the road.

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Xander was a bit calmer the next morning, although he was no happier. The fire had died out during the night, but no one was really cold; the room was cooler than what he preferred but far warmer than the tent they'd been sharing. The kids were already awake, if the noise coming from the front room was any indication. "When are they going to grow out of that?" Xander asked grumpily.

Saelen shrugged. "Mai'zi is thirteen, and Hainien's eleven, so I'd say in about seven and nine years."

"Damn," Xander swore. Every time he asked that question, he hoped that somehow siv physiology had magically changed and that the kids would start maturing as quickly as humans. At least then he could start expecting them to act like adults—even if they didn't actually do it. After all, he'd still been a kid at sixteen, even if Giles had wanted him to be otherwise. But staying a kid until twenty, and maybe even later? When he'd found out that the average siv wasn't considered an adult until almost twenty-five, he nearly fainted.

Figuring that if someone didn't go in to supervise the kids they'd dismantle the place, Xander pulled himself out from under Saelen and Pairdra and loped off to check on the little hell raisers. Sure enough, they'd pushed the movable furniture to the sides of the room and started a massive pillow fight with the numerous cushions on the floor. "Stop!" Xander shouted at them.

Mai'zi paused immediately, her arms frozen in midair above Hainien's head. The little boy looked sort of funny, staring up at the huge cushion just about to land on his skull. After a second, he stepped to the side, just out of his sister's reach. He mouthed "thanks," to Xander, who scowled in return.

"Y'two should be ashamed of y'rselves. Y're acting just like the…" Xander stopped himself before he could invoke guilt regarding their accidental sabotage of Vaishi and Fain's temporary housing in Caildin. "Y're acting like three year-olds!" He finished after a second. "Do y'want y're hosts to walk in here and see feathers everywhere, the two of y'using their furniture as toys?"

Mai'zi lowered the cushion slowly. "No," She said softly. "We'll clean it up, Adyeta."

"Good. After y're done, we can eat and find our ifnan and get going," Xander said, stalking off to the bedroom. He consciously chose not to mention the dalhari by name, since he was still angry with them. When he got back to Saelen and Pairdra, he studiously ignored them, knowing that Pairdra would make some snide comment about him taking his anger out on the kids.

By the time Vaishi and Fain came by to retrieve them, the quarters were back to normal and everyone had eaten breakfast and gotten ready to go. Saelen and Pairdra greeted them warmly, and the kids were their usual bubbly selves, but Xander pointedly did not say a word. Until he'd worked through his issues regarding loyalty, he had nothing to say to them. The dalhari just shrugged and led the siv to the stables, where they retrieved their ifnan and exited the hold.

Xander may have been upset with his guides, but he couldn't hold a grudge against the day. It was clear and almost painfully bright. With the light haze and fog that had followed them for the past week gone, Xander could really appreciate the thick greenery that covered the mountainside. It stood in sharp contrast to the sheer rock face and snow capped peaks that existed above the treeline. The trees looked tempting; he wanted to stop and climb one, just to have the feel of a branch under him again. He could tell, though, that it wouldn't be the same. The trees here were different; their branches didn't overlap or interlock and they weren't very tall—especially compared to the ones in his forest. Actually, he was reminded of his old world when he looked at them. They were more like oaks, maples and pines, and less like rainforest trees. Still, trees were trees and were his native habitat. Once again he shuddered at the thought of living in Tragith, where the siv spent a lot of time on the ground, even though there were trees to live in. He felt funny running on the ground, like he was always looking for cover or a tree to climb.

Vaishi and Fain kept to themselves in the front of the group, knowing that Xander was upset with them and wanted to be left alone. He had been the only adult siv that had spent much time talking to them, since the others were usually busy with the kids or simply not talkative in general. Without Xander's constant questioning, the trip was a lot quieter. The kids were more prone to whisper things to their parents, unless they happened to be near one of the dalhari when something caught their eye. "Do you think Xander will ever come to terms with what's bothering him?" Vaishi asked Fain.

Fain shrugged. "Honestly, I don’t know. From what I've observed, he has a difficult time adapting to sudden changes in his environment. At least, that's what I've determined from what he's said."

Vaishi nodded, deferring to his perceptive mate's assessment. He agreed with Fain that Xander didn't appreciate change. Actually, he wondered how long it had taken him to get used to his life in this world. After all, from what had been said, they knew that he hadn't chosen to come here, or to be a siv. That must have been very disturbing for Xander. "I wonder, though, how he will react to actually living in a dalhari place for any length of time. I don't think they were planning on just dropping by and leaving."

"No, I believe they were going to stay for some time, at least until they decided whether to return to Caildin or not," Fain replied. Xander had mentioned that they were probably going to return there someday, since it was the only place where their own group of siv still existed. However, the siv had mentioned that he felt like it would be better if they waited until Mai'zi and Hainien were a little older. By then the community would accept them better and maybe Yark wouldn't be so eager to torture them.

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"So, how long are y'going to sulk about all of this, Xander?" Pairdra asked him during one of their rest stops.

"What? Sulk? I'm not sulking about anything," Xander protested. Well, he was—but he had good reason to.

Pairdra grunted. "Right, so that's why you're not talking to the dalhari."

"Just because it's their culture doesn’t make it right. What if they had given sensitive information to the Disiaron in Adaes Der?" Xander asked.

"Had they had any 'sensitive information' to give their brethren, we wouldn't be with them. Xander, y'obviously don't have any faith in the elders to protect the hold, do y'? Do y'think that they would've just handed over information that could hurt Caildin, knowing what we do about how other species live?" Pairdra asked sharply. Unlike Saelen, he wasn't going to sit around while Xander festered and stewed about this. Yes, the dalhari shared information in ways that rankled Xander. Honestly, they bothered Pairdra too. But the siv knew about the dalhari and knew how to protect themselves against any damage that sharing information might cause. After all, the elders had expressed great interest in opening up trade opportunities with the dalhari, but they had rather purposefully avoided any discussion of weaknesses in Caildin's economy, like their almost desperate need for smithies and forged metal.

Xander nodded slowly. "But…"

"And how do y'think the dalhari feel about how the siv operate?" Pairdra asked. "They see us as very war-like, Xander. One of the reasons why these diplomatic missions are so important is that we're often seen as more violent than some of the dalhari's other allies. After all, we were more than willing to attack those t'kth-vaali, weren't we?"

"But they were hurting humans!" Xander exclaimed.

"Yes, but ask a dalhari what they would have done, and y'd get a very different answer," Pairdra replied. "What I'm trying to say is that we may not like the way other species live, but we have to learn to put up with it. That's the only way we maintain any sort of peace for any length of time, Xander. The only reason that there aren't more wars like the one we had in Ieccra is that there are a lot of agreements, treaties and contracts between regions that keep all the species in line. When they fail—like they did in Ieccra—bad things happen. There were a lot of things behind that war, not just t'kth-vaali wanting land or humans for food. Don't boil things down into right and wrong, because it's a good way to lose sight of more important things."

Xander stared at Pairdra, amazed that his mate had talked that much at one time. What the siv had said was hard to swallow, but he knew it to be true. He returned to his meal, mulling over the complexities of politics while he chewed. He'd never given things like that much thought, either in his old world or his new one. It always seemed like something that other, more important, people did. He just fought practiced fighting and lived his life. Actually, he thought that was how most siv lived—it was why he liked being one so much. The stuff that Pairdra had talked about just made life complicated.

Xander continued to think about what his dark mate had said when they resumed their travel. It still bothered him, what the dalhari had done, but he guessed that he'd have to learn to at the very least tolerate it. Why couldn't the other species just leave them alone, though? It would be so much easier if the dalhari (and all the others) just left Caildin in peace. With nobody to fight for the land or scam them out of money, the siv could just go on living a nice, happy life by themselves. After all, what else was there to want besides a safe home and good food?

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